Truth

This album is the one that has the song that "inspired" this song

Truth
Inspired by music from Javier Colon


They say that complete silence will drive a man insane. This absence of sound causes completely secure people to feel deaf and alone. It's a scary thought really. However, in my case it was not silence, but one simple, repetitive sound to which I owe my insanity: the ticking of a clock. In a world full of drugs and violence, it was something as simple as ticking that made me snap. The name of the game is clockwatching, and I, Cain, am the biggest loser.
Go back in time about a year, and you'll find yourself where my story begins: March 15, 2011. As an aspiring musician, New York City had been my destination since I was young, and earlier that year I finally made it my home. I was on the cusp of making big, which is the reason I moved with my beautiful wife, Julie. Everything was great, to say the least. I was happy.
"I've always wondered how those big, heavy boats stay afloat," Julie said as we walked by the ferries, "Even though we've never lived by the ocean it fascinates me."
"There you go being random again... But that's why I love you," I replied, as I gave her a kiss on the cheek. Julie has been a kindergarten teacher for long time and that dreamy, 5-year old state of mind had rubbed off on her, and there was something about that innocence that I just loved.
"Jeez, you make me sound like I have A.D.D.!" she complained, "But I forgive you. By the way, how was your meeting with the record label?"
"Actually, it went well," I replied, "The producer was really impressed! He thinks I can be a star, and all I have to do is cut him a demo of a new song!"
"What about one of your old songs?" she questioned
"Well, he said that 'they had potential, but weren't quite ready', so I told him I would write another one," I said, trying not to sound disappointed. My songs were my life and the truth was I nearly lost it when the label criticized them. They said the songs weren't real enough, whatever that means.
"Your such a pushover! You should stand up for yourself more." She scolded, lecturing me in the same voice she disciplines kindergarteners in.
"I love your old songs. There's nothing wron...." She started to remark before a series of coughs stopped her from finishing.
"Its pretty cold today," I observed, "It shouldn't be like this in the spring. We'd better get home before you get sick."
"Okay, but on one condition."
"What?"
"You let me make you a big, celebratory lunch tomorrow. School ends early so I'll be home by 1:00, 'kay?"
"Of course."
The next day was supposed to be a productive one. While I was waiting for Julie to finish work, I started writing my song. If the label wanted real, they were gonna get real. Or at least I thought. That day I couldn't come up with anything. It seemed like every chord I played didn't seem to fit. After awhile of writing absolutely nothing, I decided to give up.
It was only about 1 when I stopped, so I had some time to kill. You'd think time would be easy to pass in New York City, but I didn't think I had enough time to go out, so I ended up just watching TV.
As I was watching, my mind started to wander. I started to think about the day before and what Julie was saying about boats. I guess they were cool in a way. Its walk on water or drown for them. Well I mean float or drown. Whatever.
I don't know how long my mind wandered like that, but it stopped with one tick of the clock. I don't know why I noticed it, but suddenly, I had a new sense of time. I'm not sure how to explain it. All I know is I was in a trance. Everything just slowed down, and I cringed with each passing second. It was almost torture just sitting there waiting. It seemed like it went on forever. And then it just stopped.
"I'm home," She uttered in a hushed tone, "Sorry I'm late."
In response, I looked at her for a long time. I couldn't understand why she was so late, and why her clothes and hair were so messed up. Her eyes were red too, which worried me.
"What happened?" I finally managed to say.
"Well today we had a class field trip," she started to explain, "Umm we went to this place down in New Jersey and on the way back the bus ran out of gas. I had to wander around for miles before I found the nearest gas station. Sorry I ruined our plans."
"Its okay I guess... Where was the field trip again?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Then she was silent for a while.
"I don't even know because I was so tired I spaced out the whole time. I had a hard time sleeping last night, not to mention my cough keeps coming back," she explained, trying to sound nonchalant.
That sentence hit me hard. I know it seems harmless, but I knew it wasn't true. I couldn't believe she was lying to me. Julie loved her job. Even if she was tired she would still be attentive for the kids. Still, I didn't know why she was lying, so I decided to try to believe her.
"Its okay," I said, "Let's just go get dinner later."
"Sounds good!" She exclaimed, clearly relieved.
"Yeah," I murmured, "Sounds frickin' fantastic."
Soon after, she started making a habit out of coming home late. It was the same routine every time. Time would slow, as the ticking got louder, and louder, until I thought I would go insane. And then, she would come home just in time. She would snap me out of my trance just to start lying to me be by reciting pre-packaged answers to questions she tries to avoid. I still wanted to believe her, but I knew they weren't true. She was a bad liar after all, which was just another trait that reflects her kindergarteners.
Over the next couple weeks, a dark thought crept into my head, and I wasn't proud of it. I started wondering if she was cheating on me, but the truth was I didn't want to know the answer. I mean, I thought everything was going good for the most part. I even remember taking her to a magic show one time. We were in NYC, we had to catch a show every so often.
"I can't believe he did the rabbit in the hat trick!" I complained, as we walked out of the showroom. "It's the oldest trick in the book!"
"Well do you know how to do it?" She teased.
"Of course I do!" I said sarcastically, "Anyway the point is everyone knows its faker than his assistant's nose job!"
We laughed.
"Well anyway, I don't think you have a right to bag on his profession until you get yours together!" She argued. She was joking of course, but she was still right. I still hadn't written anything for my new demo song, and the deadline was coming up.
"Whatever," I replied, "It's coming along. And besides, I can say anything I want because I know he doesn't have a wife like mine."
I really meant that too, even with everything that was going on. Or at least that's what I thought.
"Aww, so sweet," She said as we kissed, "C'mon, let's go home. It's getting late, and I have a headache."
"Yeah, let's go," I replied.
And that's what we did. We left. Now that I look back on it, it was a metaphorical leaving too. We left all the magic behind us. I don't know how our relationship stayed strong for so long, but eventually the strain became too much.
I think it was early in April when it happened. I had just spent another precious day failing to write a single thing, and it sucked. I was frustrated, to say the least.
By the time she came home that day, my mind was fried. The weight of the situation finally broke me. For some reason, that decided I couldn't take any more lies, so I pretended to be asleep instead.
"Hey, I'm back," She whispered, "Hello?"
I twitched. I was never good at pretending.
"Oh, I guess he's asleep... Well I guess I am pretty late. I shouldn't have took so lon.." She said before she muffled her voice with what I think was a handkerchief. I remember she was having a coughing fit when her phone rang.
"Hey, what is it?" She asked, clearly worried, "I told you not to call me at home."
What was she talking about? Who was she talking to?
"What? Really?" She asked the figure on the phone. It sounded like a man's voice, which hurt me. It was all I could do to keep still.
"Well I guess I'll be there soon," she said before she hung up.
When I heard that, I just wanted to jump up and stop her, but at the same time I was scared to try. I don't know what I would've chosen, but my decision was made for me. She was out the door before I made up my mind. And then I was alone, and all that was left for me to do was sleep. All that was left was the darkness.
I spent the next few days depressed. I didn't know what was going on with Julie, and I didn't know how to find out. She was getting better with her lies. She was so good that I wondered if her rabbit in the hat trick was for real. Her lies weren't so obvious anymore. One side of me always knew she was lying, but the other wanted to believe her so bad. Everyday, I would get so close to convincing myself that her lies are true, only to look into her eyes. I would see them moving around, looking everywhere but back at me. And that's how I knew, plain and simple. She couldn't look me in the eye
One day, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I rode the bus over to her classroom right when classes where supposed to be getting out. I figured that if I met her there she wouldn't come home really late and I wouldn't have to listen to that clock tick as I waited for her. But I was wrong. When I went in she was already gone. I looked around, but there was nothing weird about the room. The only thing I noticed were the bloody tissues in the trash, but I assumed one of her kids got a bloody nose.
"If you're looking for Mrs. Anderson, she left early," her teacher's assistant told me, as she walked in behind me.
"Where'd she go?" I demanded.
"I don't know," she replied, "She said she had some kind of emergency. Why are you here anyway?"
"Oh, just wanted to surprise her." I lied. I couldn't tell her why I was really there, so I just left. My plan was ruined. I thought that all I could do was pick up food and wait. And that's what I did. She didn't even come home late.
"So how's your song going?" She asked me as we ate.
"Okay, I mean I didn't write anything yet, but okay." I said, clearly irritated, "What's worse is that I have to demo it tomorrow."
"Its okay," She said to comfort me, "I know you'll do fine!"
I started to reply, but then her phone rang. Of course she answered it, and as she did a man's voice I didn't know came on the phone. I could hear him clearly this time.
"Hello?" She said. I could tell she was nervous.
"Julie, it's time you tell him the truth." The voice on the other end said.
And just like that, my brain exploded. Well at least the reasonable side. I was out of my seat and storming to the door in 10 seconds. If I made it to the door I probably would've done something pretty stupid. But unfortunately, I didn't because Julie grabbed my arm. Instead, I did something really stupid.
"I can't take this anymore!" I yelled, "You're always coming home late and talking to other men behind my back, and I hate it!"
"Honey, relax." She said, trying to soothe me like I was one of her kindergarteners.
"No," I said as I turned back toward the door.
"Okay, here's the truth," She said, beginning to yell herself, "It's not watch you think. The man that you heard is head of oncology. I have a tumor, Cain. I didn't know how to tell you I only had 6 months to live!"
"You're lying," I yelled. I didn't even mean it, but I was so angry I couldn't control myself.
"Believe watch you want," She retorted, "But I'm leaving."
And that was that. She ran out of our apartment before I could stop her. At first, I didn't know how to react, but not too much later I was on the ground crying. I realized she wasn't lying. All the coughs, headaches, and blood all made sense.
"Shit," I said to myself. I had hurt her bad. I didn't know if she would come back, and I didn't know if I could handle all the stress. And then another thought came in mind. I remembered that day we were walking by the boats.
"Walk on water or drown," I whispered. I realized that's what I had to do. I had stay with her through this. I'm gonna get her through this, or I'll drown in my own sadness. As all these thoughts about Julie ran through my head, the song came to me. I knew what I was going to play tomorrow. I think I may have even smiled. I could almost feel my sanity come back to my body as I fell asleep, and it felt good. The darkness was purged, and instead dreams replaced it. That was probably the best night's sleep I ever had.
Before I left to demo my song the next day, I left a note for Julie asking her to come. I just had a feeling that she would come. Today was the day that everything goes back to the way its supposed to be. In the note, I told her was performing in a small café, and that the record label wanted to see if my song was marketable to average people. Lastly, I wrote that I was really nervous, and I wished she would come and support me. After that, all I could do is hope.
When I got there, I met the producer of the record label and shook his hand nervously.
"Good luck," he told me as he helped me on stage, "Break a leg."
I got on the stage, plugged my guitar in, and before I knew it, I was speaking. I didn't even have too much time to psych myself out.
"Hey everybody, my name is Cain," I said shakily, "I'm here to play you a song I wrote about my beautiful wife. This is the song I wrote to her to ask her out 8 years ago. Umm I hope you like it."
I don't actually recall much of the performance. All I know is I sang with all my heart, and Julie heard it. I don't know when she came in, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that she came in to support me. When I saw her face in the crowd, I thanked god for letting me see her again. The look we shared didn't even last long, but when I looked into those bright, blue eyes, I knew we would get through this. I don't know how, I just knew.
I guess the moral of this story is that things always work out in the end. You see, if it weren't for that annoying clock, I would've never known she was always late. But if it wasn't for all of the drama that happened, I wouldn't have remembered Julie's song, got a record deal, and most of all realize how much I loved Julie. I took a path of pain, but I ended up where I wanted in the end. Life has a funny way of doing that to you. I know its cliché, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. After all, if the ending isn't happy, the story isn't over.